Have You Ever Had a Boss You’d Call Friend - Burning Bridges
I’m sure you’ve heard the a saying, “The grass isn’t always greener”. Does this apply to you when it comes to your career? How many times have you left a company thinking it was the right thing to do?
Maybe you left for:
- more money
- loftier title
- closer to home
- more flexibility
- better people
The problem is once you get to the new company you realize they have their own warts that you didn’t see during the interview process. This blog is for you.
I started recruiting 14 years ago for a British based recruiting firm. I joined with absolutely no experience or technical training but I did (and still do) have a love for technology. I describe myself as a geek who can’t code; I used technical recruiting as a way to stay informed about all of the cool companies and the things they were working on. From these humble beginnings, I thought I had reached the pinnacle - working for the largest executive search firm in the world; recruiting Senior VP’s, Presidents and CEO’s for top companies - until I was laid off. I’ve been told that I have the kind of personality that attracts people. There’s something about my un-assuming style and demeanor that people can appreciate. I was brought up to treat people fair but to always speak my mind (and let you know where you and I stand) and I guess people can appreciate this. This is the way I’ve approached not only my recruiting business and careerunleashed.com but also my personal life - the end result, I’ve been hired by the same employer, the firm that I started my recruiting career three times. Each time I’ve left, “it’s been for a better opportunity” or so I thought. Each time I’ve gone back, I’ve been in a different role and made it a point to not only add value but to exceed expectations. I don’t know if I’ll end my career there but I do know that I consider the President a mentor, a great person and most importantly a friend.
How many of you have been lucky enough to have a similar experience? I’m not talking about someone that will serve as a reference or who will say good things about you. This is more than that - a genuine friendship built on respect. With all of the bad news being reported and discussed, let’s take a moment to celebrate the good in our business lives. I think we can all benefit from a moment of cheer.
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Tags: Career, Career Advice, Duane, Impressions, Job Search
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September 1st, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Thanks for sharing your expereince here. I once heard someone say that “The grass isn’t greener on the other side. On the other side of grass, there is dirt.” I think about that often. You seem to be very fortunate to have the relationship with your current boss. As you know, many companies are unforgiving of past employees who leave the organization. It shows that you are with a person of integrity and that is to be valued. I am fortunate enough to find myself in a similar situation. Best of luck in your career.
September 1st, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Sometimes we believe our friends are true until we face the difficult decision of ending the employer-employee relationship. That experience often sheds more light on the relationship, exposing those friends who are true and those who are not.
I was lucky enough to have one individual involved in both of my exits who was enthusiastic and encouraging. That individual remains a good friend to this day. The others involved? I thought they were true, personal friends but found otherwise when I broke the news I was leaving.
September 1st, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Robert,
I think you’ve nailed it - “Friends” are easy to come by when things are going well but true friends are there when the going is tough or when having to deal with situations that are out of their comfort zone.
Thanks
September 1st, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I’m one of those techie “geeks” who is hard to get to know on the surface and a bit of a wall flower, but is a giving friend to those I trust in my “inner circle”.
In my situation, I have had more bosses who wanted to be friends during the working relationship and wouldn’t acknowledge my existance after the relationship was over regardless of the reason why it ended. Unfortunately for them, they missed an opportunity to be that mentor and friend. I can think of only 2 people who fit into the “friend and boss” category. One left the organization for his own greener pastures at one company, and the other moved with the company headquarters after the final round of lay-offs at another company. I would count them as friends and we keep in contact from time to time.
I think the biggest problem is that managers don’t know how to communicate with former subordinates.
Fortunately, I’m in a position where it is beneficial to be less chummy with management.
September 1st, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Duane,
A very unique situation, indeed, but I’m glad to say that I’ve been fortunate enough to find a friend in a previous boss!!! In fact, the entire team that I worked along with all stay in touch to this day, and meet on a fairly regular basis for dinner to keep abreast with each other.
Outside of this one manager, I have yet to find a manager that I would trust enough at work, to share my life with after 4pm…but I’m an optimistic at heart, and who knows what the current/future manager relationship may bring!!!
September 1st, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Absolutely! I worked for Larry Kofsky at API in Culver City and when he was offered a job at Software of the Month Club in Carlsbad, CA I asked him to take me with him. And true to his word, he did in 1995. I feel like part of his family and my family feels the same way. People come into our lives in all kinds of ways for all kinds of reasons. He moved back to LA in 2005 and sadly, I lost my friend in January of this year. A friendship and memories I will always treasure. R.I.P. Lar.
September 1st, 2009 at 10:31 pm
It’s a great thing when you have an experience like that. As I said in the blog, we are all bombarded with the bad news it’s good to hear when someone has touched your life in a positive way. Thanks for sharing!
September 2nd, 2009 at 12:51 am
Yes, yes, yes. I have had the pleasure of working for a boss, then mentor, than friend in two work enviroments. She became my boss during a normal hiring process. She became my mentor through mutual respect. She became my friend during a very difficult time. After my first position, I had the pleasure of working for her again in a new enviroment. I would do it again in a heartbeat. On a superficial level, we are very different but were able to look past everything to find a true friend. I feel very honored.
September 2nd, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Yep, I have had a boss who became a friend. When he took over as my boss I wasn’t sure if he was the right ‘fit’ (not just for me, but for the company) but over time I got to know him better and began to appreciate his sense of humour and his ability to be completely upfront with me.
Actually, when he left and his replacement took over I kind of went through the same pattern. Initially not sure, but after a couple of months as our working relationship developed - things were running very well. I still keep in touch with my previous boss on a regular basis (at least one email every other month).
September 2nd, 2009 at 3:33 pm
I have one right now, and Thank God for him! This type of relationship is never easy in the corporate world or any other type of organization for that matter, but if you’re lucky, you get to work closely aligned with a true professional with similar goals and objectives. One who while a leader, can also be a confidant and trusted ally. I wouldn’t take the relationship for granted because he is still my superior in the heirarchy, but alas, a friend indeed!
This is one bridge you want to support and maintain, and when it’s time to move on, which is happening with me in just a few weeks, make sure there are no matches or other incendiary devices anywhere to be found.
September 2nd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
I thought I did on my last job…but in the end it was…”Nothing Personal just Business”…when he layed me off!
September 2nd, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Stuart - It’s nice being in a situation where you don’t have to worry about working for / with a tyrant. Great bosses can make the daily grind of a job not such a bad thing.
September 2nd, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Bob- That’s the truth. You never know when you and that person will work together again or jsut need their support.
September 2nd, 2009 at 4:44 pm
John - sorry to hear that. Do you think it’s possible to maintain that friendship given how things have turned out? I was laid off a couple years ago, along with the rest of the recruiting staff, but not only maintained contact with my boss but worked with her again at a different firm.
September 4th, 2009 at 4:44 am
Very insightful post! Enjoyed this read.
September 11th, 2009 at 3:48 am
I’ve heard “It’s just business; nothing personal” used many times in my career in an attempt to assuage guilt and justify a multitude of sins. The fact of the matter is that we are not cyborgs and to varying degrees it is personal.
September 11th, 2009 at 3:51 am
Personal yes but it doesn’t have to be the way business is handled / conducted. It’s unfortunate when that is the case.
September 22nd, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Duane, I too have had a boss that I call a friend…and I have just followed him to a new company that I like a lot better than the old one! Lucky for me it worked out that way! Thanks for sharing your experience.